Thus Says Suzanne...

blooper

Not so much a blooper as a rant about how this doctor dictates.

What she says - "kronkpakpay"

What she means - Chronic back pain.

I'll say it again, the only thing worse than a doctor's writing is their dictation.

blooper

"Patient went to chiropractor and he did some maneuvers on him and the patient felt better."

Huh?  This makes it sound like the patient assaulted the chiropractor. 

not in the mood

What she says - Errerjec hickshee.

What she means - Allergic history.

I am so not in the mood for this today.

Update -

But wait, there's more...

What she says - Pachurghicksee.

What she means - Past surgical history.

Aaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!

encadia

What he says - Encadia.

What he means - NKDA (an abbreviation for no known drug allergies).

He also says MVR and goes on to say M like in Mary,V like in Victor, R like in river.  Why not just say M like in mitral, V like in valve, and R like in replacement which is what it stands for?!?

blooper - just a tiny problem

"He is not breathing spontaneously.  Other than that he is okay."

Other than that he is okay? 

blooper

"...had a previous x-ray in a motor vehicle accident."

I've heard of on-star but are they installing x-ray equipment into new cars now?

blooper

"The patient has two sisters, both of whom died at age 70 and 79 from breast cancer."

Dang, talk about bad luck!  What are the odds of both sisters dying twice, of the same thing, and at the same age?

blooper

"...blood pressure which is elevated at 145/105 and that was standing in the right arm."

Right.  He means the blood pressure was measured at the right arm, with the patient standing.  If the alternative is to have the doc standing in my right arm in order to obtain a blood pressure reading I think I'll just skip that part.

blooper

Dictated - "...the left nose began to bleed very heavily."

Okay...exactly how many noses does this unfortunate person have?

blooper

"He believes a piece of plastic got into his eye which he removed."

Exactly what was removed?  The plastic or the eye?