Thus Says Suzanne...

The Devil responds to Pat Robertson

Apparently the devil got wind of Pat Robertson's claim that he had signed a pact with the Haitians, that they are now cursed and that is why they suffered the earthquake.

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

(LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS.  Originally published in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.)

Pat Robertson is an idiot

The earthquake in Haiti is apparently (according to this bonehead) because they made a deal with the devil.  

Roman Polanski - the cold, hard facts

I am astonished to see people coming out in support of the child rapist Roman Polanski.

Lets' be clear.  He accepted a plea deal and made a confession.  It wasn't until he realized he would actually be held accountable for his crimes that he bailed for Europe. 

Debra Winger came out in support of him yesterday whining about how this had upset the art community, and advocated for his release.  Whoopi Goldberg talked about how it wasn't "rape-rape." 

Let's also be clear about what it was and then someone can help me understand why he should be freed, and how what he did wasn't "rape-rape."

He groomed a 13-year-old girl for the act, telling her he would photograph her for Vogue, and worked his way up to partially clothed images.  He provided alcohol and quaaludes to the 13-year-old girl.  He suggested she get into the hot tub for more images and instructed her to dispense with her clothing. He disrobed and got into the hot tub with her.  He took her into the house (remember she had been been drugged and plied with alcohol) where he proceeded to engage in oral sex with her.  Then he penetrated her vaginally but when he learned she was not on birth control (why would she be - she was 13) he decided to penetrate her anally where he completed the sex act.  

It's my assertion that anyone voicing support for his freedom is profoundly intellectually challenged and/or morally bankrupt.  Justice delayed is justice denied.

no to infinity

"You are going to be completely impressed...I turned my life completely around and to be able to understand that, you have to start there."

In 1991 Jaycee Lee Dugard was an 11-year-old girl on the way to her bus stop when she was abducted by Phillip Garrido and his wife (by their own admission).  Until this week Jaycee's family was left to wonder what became of her.  I'll save you some math and tell you that Jaycee is now 29 years old.  She spent the last 18 years in captivity, being held in Garrido's back yard.  She bore him two children, now ages 11 and 15, who have never been to school, never been to a doctor. 

How many rapes can one endure before it forever changes who they are and how they view the world?  And, suppose that happens to an 11-year-old, after having been taken from her family and life.  Suppose she endures years of this abuse while living in her abductor's backyard, bearing not one but two children by her rapist when she is just a child herself.  She gets no formal education.  Can she ever get back what was taken from her?  Her sense of safety, her childhood, her innocence, her education, her family? 

What did it do to her family who watched from their yard as she was kidnapped?  Her stepfather was viewed as suspect until this week when Jaycee resurfaced.  The marriage did not survive.  Jaycee's mother reportedly cried for a week every year on the anniversary of the kidnapping of her beautiful young daughter. 

So when Garrido says "You are going to be completely impressed...I turned my life completely around and to be able to understand that, you have to start there," I say no to infinity.  I am not impressed.  I don't care if he turned his life around.  I will never understand his selfish and obscene actions. 

He cannot ever make right what he has made wrong.  He cannot return what he stole from Jaycee and her family. 

Is California a deadbeat parent?

For those not living in the Golden State it may come as a surprise to learn our folks at the capital have so jacked-up our budget that they have well and truly hosed us all.  Unless they reach a budget agreement - right, because that will happen - they plan to delay taxpayer refunds, send state workers on mandated furloughs, and withhold child support, among other things.

When I say they plan to withhold child support I mean that they intend not to provide financial support to the children they have taken into the foster care system.  Foster parents in San Diego County have already received notices that they can expect reimbursement payments (which the state is aware does not adequately the child's basic expenses) to be delayed, perhaps into September.  And, because Medi-Cal is also affected, the same children are going to have difficulty getting medical treatment. 

Social services is the first casualty of the budget crisis.  My adoption worker is among the first to be affected by the mandated furloughs.  How many other social workers will be affected by the soon-to-come layoffs?  How many children waiting to be matched with adoptive families will continue in foster care limbo before this is resolved?

Because soon there will be fewer social workers, there will be fewer people to check on children who are in reported to be in horrendous situations.  There will be no funds to help keep families together, and we already know there are no funds to care for children once they enter the foster care system.

Soon the children in foster care will not have social workers to check on them, foster parents paying their expenses out of pocket indefinitely, and children without access to health care or mental health services (or social workers to cut through the red tape). 

Foster families take on the task of caring for children who are profoundly damaged by their past, and they do it for free but the state is supposed to pay for their basic needs.  The State of California is the legal guardian of the children in the foster care system who have been separated from their biological families.  These children have no voice. 

It is obscene that the folks in Sacramento are looking to these children to bear the first crunch of the budget crisis.  A civilian who withholds child support can find themselves being labeled a deadbeat parent.   

I don't get it

Here in California, 61% of the votes were cast in favor of Barack Obama who is arguably among the most liberal democrats, some have gone so far as to call him socialist.  That part I get, California always votes democrat.

The same voters also said they want to decide who their neighbors can marry, but they apparently do not care to be notified if their own daughter is getting an abortion.  I don't get it.  Is California blue or is it red?  Whatever happened to separation of church and state?  When was it decided that the Christian mindset would determine the laws of the land?  This is a tough country if you're Muslim, Jewish, atheist, or of any religious bent other than Christian.  None of the arguments I heard in favor of Prop. 8 make any sense to me.  What possible difference could it make to me who my neighbor or coworker marries? 

In Arkansas they voted that no unmarried cohabiting couples will be permitted to foster or adopt.  Again, I don't get it.  Is there such an incredibly large population of foster parents in Arkansas that they can afford to do this?  When did discrimination become the law of the land?  Apparently on Tuesday it did. 

I'm thinking it's time to change my party affiliation.  I see no strategic advantage to registering democrat or republican, particularly when neither represents my view.  I want less government interference into the lives of it's citizens.  I want to see more fiscal responsibility.  Not once did I hear either presidential candidate mention the national debt, or the national deficit.  Did they forget that we also would like a balanced budget? The victorious presidential candidate spent a lot of time talking about how he would spend money on various programs.  What he never said was where the money would come from.  I know where it will come from...it will come from our pockets. 

This time next year we'll be looking at a higher national debt, a larger national deficit, fewer national defense resources, and higher taxes.  People will be limited in who they can marry, and fewer people will be available as families to children who need homes.  When people voted for "change" I'm pretty sure that's not what they had in mind.

today's the day

the first call home

I've heard excerpts of Casey Anthony's first phone call to her family after being arrested, but I've never heard the entire ten minute call from start to finish before.  Holy mother of pearl...she's a piece of work.

This is the best they could do?

Caylee Anthony has been gone for more than eight weeks now.  Her third birthday has come and gone.  Her mother remains behind bars (but that could change Monday) and her parents have not been received warmly by the public because of their odd behavior and inconsistent stories.  Cindy and George Anthony have now brought on a spokesperson - which would normally be a great idea - but take a look at the guy they found.  Are they serious?  Who is this tool?  This guy is not helping.

flawed logic

Cindy Anthony called in to Nancy Grace last night, and she did an in-home interview with Greta VanSustern (the second half of that interview will air tonight on Fox). 

As she tells it Casey is in jail and will give up her life in order to save Caylee and keep her safe.  She says that she has "in her way" told them who has Caylee but not the exact location. 

A couple days ago she was telling the public we needed to "get off our asses" and go find "this missing child." 

I'm confused.  Is it safe to fetch Caylee from the dastardly "nanny" or not?  And, where are we supposed to be looking after we get off our asses?